Do you find yourself limiting your playful nature? The relationship tip this week is to verbally give permission for your partner or friends to be playful around you and to seek the courage to share your own playfulness.

Playfulness is the ability to engage in things in a non-serious manner to lighten the mood and increase enjoyment in relationships and situations. Playfulness is often stifled by a self-conscious fear of rejection or ridicule in attempts at humor. If an atmosphere of encouragement and validation is cultivated a natural playfulness and fun is often the result.

Traditionally, most research on playfulness has been focused on children and adolescents, however, more recently researchers are finding the importance of playfulness in adults.  They found that the preceding character strengths that led to playfulness were (a) self-esteem and (b) valuing and developing humor. They also found that the consequences of playfulness were (a) positive emotions and (b) increased relationship satisfaction.

So how do I get started?

First, identify the things you that are fun or border on playfulness and choose to incorporate them into your relationships. Some examples may be dancing in the kitchen, or singing in the car. It may be calling people by nicknames or risking telling a story about a situation you found humorous.

Second, when your partner or friend takes the emotional risk of creativity and spontaneity go with it. Consciously resist being critical and develop a spirit of permissiveness because criticism is a killer of creativity and playfulness. This can add novelty to a routine, increase disclosure and fun, and build the bond of love and friendship.